CHRISTMAS IS COMING….WHAT WILL YOU GIVE YOUR CHILDREN?

Christmas…Only 14 some shopping days and what will you give to your children or grandchildren?

What will you give your children this year?

As I reflect back upon where I am now, what I have and what I lack it’s relatively easy for me to see what the greatest gifts a parent can give their children.

It’s not the hottest trends in fashions and toys or the newest video game so they can learn even more to isolate themselves from people…it’s QUALITY TIME AND ATTENTION!!!! Does that surprise you? Well, when you reach the 60′s in age, the seasoned years and still are seeking to fill that “emptiness” within, perhaps you will know the importance of this “gift”.  It’s not that my parents didn’t try, they did, they did the best with what they had and I was a post war baby, a baby boomer if you will, the costs of everything were indeed much less than today. When I was born most people rented and the few who did buy, bought homes in the teens, not the hundred thousand range….bread was .10 a loaf, not $1.50 a loaf….gas was .25 per gallon, not $3.59…clothes were tailored and plain...women wore house dresses, not pants and there were tons of stay-it-home Moms that did the laundry every Monday with a wringer washer and hung the clothes outdoors on the line to dry. They made homemade cookies, cakes and pies to fill us up at supper time when the staples were tuna casseroles, eggs and fried potatoes, pancakes, spam, homemade soups and stews and on Sunday a delicious pot roast dinner with potatoes, onions, carrots, rutebegga, turnips oh yum! Or maybe an oven roasted whole chicken with potatoes and carrots and homemade gravy…

It was a simple time, a time when there were about 3 types of cereal on the local neighborhood grocery shelves, not a whole aisle and we didn’t have the huge super stores of today. The produce was always fresh as was the fruits in season and by far the most expensive delicacies.

Let's see...whatever shall we pick? What do we want to buy?

We shopped and were given S&H Green Stamps that could be redeemed for the more fancy and expensive household gift items from a local store…lamps, an iron, crystal serving dishes, china, etc. The whole family took turns gawking at the photos in the catalog before Mom and Dad ultimately decided what big-ticket purchase they would make. All the shops were closed on Sundays, so it was a ritual for many of us after attending services on Sunday morning to spend the afternoon with a walk downtown to “window shop”. What a delight especially during the holiday season with the windows “dressed” with holiday villages, the Lionel Train Villages running round and round and the holiday glitz and sparkles of the jewelry and the best clothing….such a joy to spend time as a family, ” in dreamland”….if only for a while.

My Mom was always cooking, cleaning, tidying up …. she didn’t want to be interrupted or bother talking with me unless it was to correct or scold me for being “curious” and a bad girl….My father worked hard to provide the food and roof for us and was gone way too much….He even worked at home on weekends typing and mailing his reports…They were older when we were born. Not much energy I guess for “playing with us”. The attention we received was more in the vain of discipline and manners, learning to be thoughtful of others, minding our tongue and polite. We were little ladies that always sat quietly with our hands folded in our lap when we went visiting relatives on holidays or Sundays…We were to be “seen but not heard”….BORING!!!!!! Now that my dear little ones was “MORE THAN BORING”!

What I have found as I have seasoned is that the best of gifts they could have given me would have been personal time spent with ME….talking, sharing , telling stories of their childhoods, relating in a different way….holding me on their laps, saying “I LOVE you” a whole lot more, having special “date times” with my Dad, having him tell me how pretty I was, or smart or talented….He didn’t. All I wanted was to know he loved me….to teach me how the opposite sex was to treat a girl, a woman…no lectures, no spankings, no criticism for being less than perfect. Just showing me with his time and actions that I was indeed special….Maybe he wasn’t able to do that. Maybe no one had ever shown him. Maybe there was not ever enough time. Who knows….He’s gone now, he died when I was 21….he never got to know the woman I have now become, nor to meet his grandchildren. It’s too late.

And I find myself wondering through life trying to be a papa to myself...and a mother too. To love myself in ways that only a parent can express. To be accepting of who I am, of what I have accomplished, someone to cheer me on and be supportive when I have needed it the most…Hoping against all odds to find a mate in my remaining years that will “fall in love with me”, with the crazy woman I am…who will allow me to share all the pent-up love I have inside and have wanted to express since childhood. To just accept me for me and love me as I am. Impossible? Who knows. I know God loves me like that…I have learned that through the years and I am blessed.

Memories....and confidence are formed with the time we spend with those we love.

If you are trying to decide the best gifts for the holiday season or a birthday, think about what I have said here and nix the $600.00 presents or birthday parties and simply take the day or part of the day to be with your child…to cuddle, cook together, play with Legos, do a puzzle, take a walk, sing, splash in a puddle, go for a walk and share an ice cream cone, chat about them….what you love in them….not just the things you wish would change.  Share the stories of their infancy and birth and the things that you hope for them as they mature….Spend precious moments in time after all, time doesn’t have a price tag and yet is priceless, it’s not too late. What will you give your children that they will treasure when they have kids of their own? Memories, quality time….after all it’s almost Christmas.

And the precious gift of YOURSELF, is priceless.…try it this year and see if your relationship with your offspring doesn’t flourish, it’s something only a parent who truly loves their children can give…Christmas is almost here….do it for them, do it for you, it will be the finest gift we as parents can give to our children and after all it’s them who will change and influence the world, they are our futures!